Relationship Conflict? Love!
“When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden…All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.” Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
Years ago, I read a book called The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. At the time, I remember being deeply affected by what it had to say. Just recently, a few things from this book came back to me. It was about our relationships with others and how we get energy. The concept was that human beings tend to use four different approaches to get energy from others. The approaches are to withdraw, to evoke sympathy, to evoke guilt, or anger.
The energy that we seek from others is the energy that gives us life. We do need it. The question is why do we need to take it from each other? Redfield suggested in the book that we should be getting this from a clear, pure source…from Spirit itself…instead of trying to share the same little, often polluted pool, from our relationships.
Clearly, searching for this energy from others using the four methods listed above can bring temporary relief, though not a good solution overall…but lately, I’m finding that even that has lessened for many. Perhaps the pool of energy we all share is getting used up…or has lost so much of its purity that it has little value.
So the question is how do we get energy from this pure source, so that we feel loved, supported, nurtured, and empowered? How do we feel whole and filled from within in a world filled with struggle and challenge?
I’ve “heard” the answer to this so many times. It’s actually very, very simple; yet for those of us who have been hurt (and who hasn’t been?) so very, very difficult.
The answer is to love. To love when someone hurts us. To love when we are angry or scared or frustrated. To love when we are deeply sad. To love when it seems so impossible to love or that the person seems so undeserving of our love. To love even when we feel that loving only brings pain.
I know from my own experience that to do this is the Way to peace and well-being…it is the Way to empowerment. And yet; the very practical part of me still wants to know, how exactly does one do this, especially when one’s whole system wants to close up, shut down, run away, or lash out?
Perhaps the answer lies in where we direct our love. If it is too painful to direct our love to the person who has hurt us, can we instead direct it to ourselves? Can we direct it to God? As we focus our energy on loving, can this open our heart with compassion to the other as well? As we feel that well-spring of love pour forth, filling all the deep places that have been long in the dark, are we able to see the other as no different from us? Just as we struggle with our own fears aren’t they too struggling? The fear of lack…of loneliness…of being misunderstood…doesn’t it affect each and every one of us? And what is it that we are seeking? Is the love and abundance truly held by the other? Or merely something we see coming THROUGH them from a higher, purer source?
So, today, I invite you to join me on a little experiment. The next time you feel hurt or frustrated or angry at someone else try taking the following steps:
1. Acknowledge your feelings and comfort the part of you that has been wounded.
2. Repeat, “I love, I love, I love, I love” continuously until you feel your heart start to open and relax.
3. Forgive. Say, “I forgive everyone who has offended or hurt me in anyway, and I forgive myself.” Or put in the name specifically of the person who has hurt you.
4. Focus on Spirit in whatever form you most identify with (a sunrise, in a child, the Angels, Jesus, God, and Buddha) and express your deep love out loud. “I love you God. I love you God. I love you God.”
5. Call forth you’re highest Divine self. Feel the male and female aspects of you, holding you, nurturing you and loving you. Know that you are beautiful in all ways and deeply loved.
6. From this place of wholeness, look to the one who has hurt you. Pray for them to find peace, healing, and light. Know that through this act, you release the hold their actions or words have over you.
7. Honor yourself and your needs. Feel no obligation to extend beyond what you are able to give. Love within, and stay inside your much needed boundaries without.
8. Be kind to yourself.
And in closing, a final quote from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet about marriage (though I feel it is fitting for all relationships),
“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
Nancy Nicholas is an Intuitive Life Coach offering Empowerment Readings, Empowerment Clubs, Sensitive Person Mentoring, and a Soul Friends Community. For a free Empowerment Packet and to learn more about Nancy’s work, visit her website: http://www.EmpoweringLightworkers.com.